Poutine Diaries vol. 2

I saw a bunch of friends over Canada Day weekend a few weeks ago. We all met up at a friend's apartment for drinks, and I popped over wearing my typical flip-flops and sundress get-up, because that's how I roll. After listening to throwback 90s and 2000s music, the girls started throwing on their stilettos and grabbing their purses. I thought that we were staying in or I may have brushed my hair and put on some mascara, but it turns out that they all wanted to walk down to the bars.


So we're heading to the boardwalk for some fun times, and I'm pretty sober so I already wasn't really feeling the scene.  But as I'm walking at the end of the gaggle of gals, I realize that I am with a bunch of tall, skinny girls in full makeup, hot outfits, and high heels, and I literally stopped dead in my tracks and decided in that moment that I was going home. In that split second, my self-esteem just could not handle the concept that I would be going to a bar with these decked-out ladies and that I would be subjecting myself to scrutiny and comparison and all of the crap that happens at bars. I didn't want to be the joke of the group. I didn't want to end up in a couple of guys' story about how one of them had to be a good wingman and jump on the grenade (me) so that his buddy could close the deal with one of my gorgeous friends.

While I was walking home alone, I gave this some serious thought, and decided that the problem maybe isn't me. The problem is a culture where we're judged completely by our looks, especially at bars and parties and whatnot. There is a viral video circulating right now of Dustin Hoffman talking about his role as Dorothy Michaels in Tootsie (1982 film). He breaks down at one point when he says that he thought Dorothy was an interesting woman, but he himself would never approach her at a party because her physical features didn't fit the mold of attractiveness in our culture (Clip Here). He says that he'd been brainwashed, and I think that that is very true. We have come to value external attributes over internal attributes, and it is that attitude that makes women everywhere stop cold on their way to a bar and walk home alone instead.

I'm generally a happy person and I have confidence in my skills. The more work, volunteer and performance experience I get, the more my confidence becomes about who I am and not about what I look like. But when I'm stepping into that downtown life, I know that no one will hear about those parts of my life, because there's a chance that no one will ask. There is a chance I will be completely overlooked and no one will think "hmm maybe this girl is worth my time". It's rough to realize that, based solely on your looks, you are lower on the totem pole.

Luckily, I think that there are a few tricks that I can throw in place to make sure that my nights are fantastically fun. I'm not talking heavy makeup or pouffed-up hair or push-up bras or giant shoes. I am talking two internal things that somehow make the external shine:

Confidence & Humor

There was a poll in a Cosmo magazine that made me believe this a bit more. I'm not saying you should pack on 500 pounds and just boost your self-esteem because that's just plain unhealthy. I'm saying that no matter what size you are or what you look like, confidence reads as attractiveness. People see you looking genuinely happy, carefree or content and they believe it. They feel a pull towards it because it's such a beautiful feeling and they want it for themselves. Just go with it. Embrace who you are, never forget what makes you amazing and fun and let the other stuff go. If you're stuck, ask yourself what your mom and dad, or your siblings (if they're nice...hem hem) or your friends would say about you. How does your grandmother brag about you? What did your coach say to you? Has your boss ever thrown a compliment your way? Do me a favor and start believing all the people in your life who say good things about you. They love and care for you for reasons and there is nothing wrong in having pride for those reasons. 

Aimee Mullins is an actress, athlete and model. She also had both her legs amputated below the knee at the age of 1, due to a birth defect. So believe her when she says that confidence matters more than a body part, because she's been living life like a frigging rockstar when she could have let her double amputation rule her life and drag her down. It's women like this that show us that we can't let the haters make us hate ourselves. Faced with the obstacle of learning to walk on prosthetic legs, I think I can face down a few douche bags at the bar. I mean really, would I want to be talking to that 22% of guys who would rather date an insecure supermodel? Hell no. 

Lastly, humor. Because everyone loves to laugh :)