Manly Men

I want to throw out a few stories that show some men I've encountered who are absolutely fantastic because they're respectful, kind, and redefining what it means to be an honorable man.

Story #1. 
This story is about a friend of a friend of mine. Let's call her Betsy. Betsy went out to the bar with her friends and danced the night away, drinking and having fun. She spotted "John" across the way and decided that she was going to go home with him, and he was all for it, so off they went. Now in the middle of sex, Betsy realized that she really was not feeling it. She wasn't having fun, she was a little too drunk and the whole hook-up was just not enjoyable to her in that moment, so she asked John to stop. And he did. John stopped mid-thrust, got dressed, and left. 

Honestly I know this may not seem like a huge deal, but John is a beautiful man. He didn't think it was his right to finish, he didn't shame or manipulate Betsy, he just stopped, and left. So many sexual assaults occur because someone pushes their partner beyond the limits that they have comfortably set for themselves. John didn't do that; he didn't continue without her permission. She withdrew her consent and he accepted that, and for that John is my kind of man. 

Story #2.
I was at a party a month or so ago and there was a fella there who was inexplicably shirtless. He remained this way for the entire evening, just bopping about and loving the skin he was in. Let's call him Jim. At one point, Jim was standing with his back to my guy friend and me, and my guy friend five-starred el-shirtless man (as in, slapped his back real hard). When Jim turned around to see who had done it, my guy friend and a few other people around jokingly pointed to me. Someone yelled out "are you gonna get her back?" and Jim got super serious, and, with everyone listening, said loudly "I would never hit a woman, that shit is disgusting."

This was just a great moment for me. People were drinking and laughing and playing around, but Jim still recognized how messed up it would have been for him to even joke about hitting me, let alone actually come at me (bro). He said it around all his friends, the older guys who he may have been trying to impress, the girls who were laughing along with the charade. And he was totally unashamed of just laying it out there that hitting a woman is wrong. Jim was my hero that night. 

Those are the two stories that have been floating around in my head lately, and I am going to continue to look for these modern day manly men and applaud their actions. These stories show strength and character. Sexual assault and rape culture are not women's issues, because men are the vast majority of perpetrators (I am not discounting female perpetrators; it's just a fact that statistically men are almost always the aggressors).  

When I think about racism and homophobia, I can see that the revolutions that took place and continue to take place gained a certain amount of legitimacy when the parties potentially effected negatively by the movement took up the cause as well. It's not just gay people rallying against homophobia; there are straight people standing beside them, supporting them through their battles. Racism is not just an issue for minorities; the faces at the events surrounding the eradication of racism are as colorful as the flag for gay pride. We need men to stand beside us and support their wives, mothers, daughters and friends. We need our men to be unashamed to say they are feminists. We need our men to recognize that a woman has the right to her own body and her own future, and men like Jim and John are doing this in their own brilliant way. If you want to wave banners and create petitions then that's fantastic, but there are so many ways to show that you respect the women in your life. 

An image that Facebook refused to take down...

Don't laugh at jokes about violence towards women.
Understand that only yes means yes.
Stand up to sexism and bullying.
Question hateful comments.

As a woman, I will do my very best to give you the same level of respect and understanding that I hope to have for myself. If you're a man doing this out in the world; you may not know, but there are women everywhere noticing your 
                                                           strength and appreciating your manliness. Thank you.