Thursday 20 March 2014

Y'all got any more of them definitions?

Notice the hole in the middle: the anus of stupidity
Feminist Rachael here coming to you live from a hurricane of bullshit. We're hearing reports of misinterpreted quotes and winds of ignorance up to 100 km/h. A downpour of misunderstanding is on the horizon, and it seems like it will be a long time until it settles to a light drivel...sorry, that's drizzle. Back to you Internet.

Why the frustration? Why the small tirade? Why the prolonged metaphorical analogy to a weather report?



Photo: Merriam Webster.
(just kidding she's not a real woman)
Because of people actively choosing to not educate themselves on what feminism is. I want to clarify this big mystery for everyone. You know when you picture that woman who hates men and thinks people with vaginas are superior and blah blah blah? Yeah, they're not feminists. They're MISANDRISTS. Look it up. No, you know what? How about you sit back and relax and I'll look it up for you. Let's take it to our dear old friend Merriam Webster. What does she have to say about it? Oh look: A hatred of men. Yeah. That. Nothing there about wanting equality for genders, because that is FEMINISM. Don't believe me? Let's find out what good ol Merriam has to say about that. You are not going to believe this! Here we go: The belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. Damn, those feminist bitches be cray, wanting women to have equal wages and the rights to their own bodies and the ability to become CEO without someone asking who she slept with.


So next time you're going to dismiss feminism as some radical activist group akin to Reformed Neo Buddhism (Pierce Hawthorne - Community, anyone?), try and remember that super small and easy definition. Equal rights and opportunities. The same stuff that abolitionists fought for. The same stuff that gay rights activists fight for. The only radical thing in my mind is why there's such a massive push-back to these concepts.

To the men out there who say feminism is stupid: If you are okay with your mother making less money than your father solely because she had the capability of birthing you, then feminism is not for you. If you're down with your wife someday being fired because she's pregnant then feminism is not for you. If you're cool with your sister being sexually assaulted and then being called a slut for "giving it up", feminism is not for you. If you think it's rad that your daughter is more likely to end up with depression, eating disorders, anxiety disorders and self esteem problems because she's got a vagina, then feminism is not for you. Otherwise, join the fight before you have to fight for someone you love.

To the women out there who say feminism is stupid: You're stupid. (just kidding). If you think everything is going great for you and things in your life are totally equal and you aren't scared walking home alone and your salary is on par with the men you went to high school with, then I am so happy for you. Let's zoom out. Let's take a look at countries where female newborns are murdered in droves because they're not boys. Or countries where armies come into town and rape women in front of their fathers and husbands. Or cultures where women aren't allowed to go to school. Or villages where women are considered property of men. Or communities where a woman is forced to marry her rapist to preserve her honour. Please, after understanding all of this, try and tell me why feminism is stupid.


Misandry is stupid (if you disagree, I'd love to hear why). Feminism is not. Feminism is a just, necessary and worthy cause. If you're not for it, then your stance as an ignorant and compliant bystander places you against it. Keep that in mind the next time you try and laugh it off.

Friday 14 March 2014

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

Because of my line of work and the direction I've chosen to steer my career, I end up discussing sexual assault and rape culture with people who do not necessarily agree with my viewpoint. I struggle with maintaining my composure and with calmly stating my opinion. I continually remind myself that their biases against victims and their reluctance to blame perpetrators could come from anywhere. They could be victims themselves, coping by convincing themselves that they deserved it. They could be of a different generation, where ignorance was acceptable (as opposed to now?). They could be on a high horse because since they've avoided sexual assault, any woman should be able to. There are many reasons behind the vitriol dripping from these people' mouths. I do my best to ensure that my message is heard, and I've learned that pushing or forcing the issue appears to literally harden one's eardrum, and so I am gentle (against all natural inclinations).

I have heard so many disheartening statements, but a few readily spring to mind when I look over especially the past year of my life. I wanted to share some with you and hopefully to shed light on why these statements are fundamentally hurtful and ultimately wrong.

(DISCLAIMER: I use "she" for survivors and "he" for perpetrators for ease of discussion. I am aware that every possible pairing occurs with sexual assault.)

1. "If you're going to have drinks with a group of guys, what do you expect would happen? You've basically inviting sexual assault."
If this were the case, I would owe the boys I went to high school with a huge thank you for not raping me on spyglass hill or in the infamous Love Shack (a semi-rotting chicken coop behind my old house). But I think that they would be repulsed by the idea of hurting me. They were my friends and they respected me. We had great times together and I never felt endangered simply by possessing the sole vagina in the group.

2. "Rapists are psychotic." "Rapists are perverts." "Rapists deserve to die."
I understand the inclination to believe these statements, or statements similar to these. Unfortunately rapists are not slogging out of sewers at night with red glowing eyes and snatching up our women and children. They are your brothers, who were goaded into "banging the hottie" who passed out. They are your sons, who were never taught that their "body's nobody's body but mine". They are your uncles and fathers and cousins who were themselves abused as children and never received help. It's a cop-out to imagine monsters, when in fact the culprit is men. I would take it one step further and say that the culprit is culture. If you need to make generalizing statements, make these: "Our culture is psychotic." "Our culture is perverted." "Our culture deserves to die." We need to forge a new culture where systematic, blatant and subtle sexism are as repulsive as cannibalism (Yes, I know some cultures still practice this, but I think we can agree consuming human flesh is generally a pretty looked-down-upon practice).

3. "Women shouldn't be walking home alone at night."
The fact is that since statistically you are far more likely to be sexually assaulted by someone you know, accepting "protection" during your walk home is far more likely to result in assault than walking alone. I will reiterate a statement made in a previous post where I said that I am not recommending you walk home alone. In fact, I will not recommend any safety tips as I believe women have the right to choose the way they want to live, and asking someone to adhere to rules is a subtle way of inflicting guilt if they are assaulted whilst breaking one.

4. "There are so many grey areas though."
In telling the story of a sexual assault, it can indeed sound grey. The details surrounding the event can create a rather compelling tale which our society has labelled "He said, she said". When we dig into the finer points, we can indeed feel like we're swimming in grey-ness. We get bogged down. But pull back for a moment. If you've ever had sex or a sexual experience before, can you not remember trying to sense the feelings of your partner? Can you not remember them trying to figure out if you're enjoying it, or if they're doing everything right? You know. You know what I'm talking about. With these "he said, she said" stories, that gets lost. You end up with two parallel stories documenting the same event but with drastically different language. She says "he hurt me" while he says "she likes it rough". She says "I tried to get away" and he says "she was playing hard to get". She says "I was too scared to say no" and he says "well she never said no". There is a difference between rough sex and rape. There is a difference between attempted teasing and attempted escape. There is a difference between a lack of refusal and enthusiastic consent. The courts may not be able to figure it out, the police may not be able to find the evidence necessary. But that rapist? He knows. He either knows something was off, or he consciously chose to ignore all the signs. But he knows.

5. "What was she wearing?" "How much did she drink?"
Can you, in all honesty, tell me that this matters? I stated previously that when someone tried to break into my apartment, no one asked me either of these questions. I also want to provide a link to this incredible Buzzfeed Article that deals with the idea that all of the victims were strutting about in stilettos and little black dresses. And if they did happen to be wearing that, they were not asking for rape. Perhaps they were asking for a one night stand or a romp with a friend-with-benefits or some hot bar washroom sex with their partner. These are some things that women ask for. WE DO NOT ASK FOR RAPE.
Please pay special attention to the tweets in the article stating that they were in their flower pajamas being tucked into bed at age 6. Does it matter what that little girl was wearing?

Some of these statements are not said with malicious intent. That does not make them less harmful. Telling a victim that she was raped in a "grey area" will not make it easier. Asking a victim what she was wearing will not make her any more consenting. Implying guilt because of her actions will not ease her recovery. Ignoring the truth about rapists will not make them go away.

Educate yourself or breed ignorance - those are your only options.

Thursday 6 March 2014

Why International Women's Day Still Exists

False. Media portrayals are not always accurate, fool. 
International Women's Day is coming up on March 8th, and I've seen some compelling arguments about why this day should not exist. I've heard some people reason that feminists are the enemy, that feminists want superiority and hypocritically promote double standards. I've heard that celebrating a day for women isn't equal since men don't have a special day for them. Another popular argument stems from the notion that feminists think all men are rapists and pedophiles. Still another would say that men and women are just naturally different and so should naturally excel in different areas. Others insist that we have, in fact, reached equality and that feminists are beating a dead horse (so to speak).

I could (and probably will someday) argue against each of these points categorically and critically, but for now I just want to drop a tiny bit of knowledge. And it is this: If you know a woman over 85 years of age, she was not born a person.

Just take a minute and let that sink in.

I'm sure this is a thing, but it ain't mine. 
When people argue that we've reached equality because women can vote and work, they are simplifying the issue to the point of ignorance. Humans have existed for tens of thousands of years, and women have only been considered persons since 1929 (in Canada (this varies in other countries...but not by millenia)). That is less than 100 years, and I am to believe that all our issues have been resolved within this century? Such a notion is actually laughable. If humans have been around for 20 000 years (homo erectus (feel free to laugh at this Rachel/Joey style)), then women have been persons for 0.425% of that time span.

Every system we currently operate under was created by a man. Our government, our business infrastructure, our education system. It was created by men with men as the target, the customer, the consumer. The entirety of our culture has catered to men for thousands of years. Feminism is not about succeeding under a patriarchal society - it is about systematically creating a new and unbiased system under the morality of equality of rights and privileges.

My shoveled driveway would beg to differ 
Understand that this means men's rights as well - feminists have been influential in creating paternal leave and rights for the father. They work to undo the stigma stay-at-home dads feel just as they work to undo the stigma a full-time employed mother feels. And yes, they fight for themselves, largely because the vast majority of men are not fighting for women's rights.

Up until the 1983, a husband could legally rape his wife. It was viewed as a marital right, not a crime.

Women are given prescriptions for heart disease and high cholesterol that were only ever tested on men.

A man is a Mr. Whether he is married or unmarried, his title does not change. A woman is dealt the hand of choosing Ms, Mrs, or M and each is saddled with varying stereotypes.

When a man reports a sexual assault or rape, his story is not questioned because as a society we cannot perceive why a man would lie about this.

For centuries, marriage vows ended with "I now pronounce you man and wife". A man is always a man. A woman is a daughter, then a wife, then a mother.

Pornography is largely filmed through the eyes of the man, and ends with a male climax. Men's faces or voices are rarely seen and heard, as the focus is always on the woman's body.

Advertising normalizes objectifying and demeaning women:

Her face doesn't matter, he's getting what he wants


The perfect date: a man's shoe against your jugular
Nothing sexier than gang rape
Glorified clothing rack - good to know women serve two whole purposes





These are just some examples that I can list off the top of my head.

It is not enough for women to survive in a man's world. We are trying to thrive in a new world - not one catered to women but in one that does not oppress.

And that is why we have International Women's Day - educate yourself.