Top 5 Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms

I've been pondering something for the past little while. It's been on my mind ever since I had a conversation with a friend of mine who casually mentioned faking an orgasm during sex, and it got me wondering why on earth women do that. So I asked a few more friends, and I ended up finding out that a surprising amount of my friends have done it before, or are still doing it. Faking an orgasm. And not just with one night stands. With long-term boyfriends. With husbands. And yes, with ye olde singular evening bang. From these (disturbing) conversations, I created a list of the top reasons why women pretend to climax instead of waiting for the real deal. Obviously this is a very scientific approach, so please feel free to comment on my wide scope, impeccable research and controlled environment.

Top 5 Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms

1. To satisfy...his ego.

I actually almost understand this. Until I don't. You're pretending to make him feel better? What feels better than an ORGASM? The answer, my friends, is nothing. When did your climaxing become less important, less vital, less the key to having sex, than ensuring that your man (of the hour, month, year) doesn't feel like less of a man because he couldn't get you there? His feelings should not eclipse your...feelings...if you know what I mean.

2. To get it over with.

You're laying there (or maybe you're not just laying there heh), he's close and you realize it's just not going to happen for you. So you fake it knowing that he's waiting for that cue. He gets his, you don't get yours and the sexventures come to a close. I've got to ask some questions here.

a) Did you want to have sex or were you pressured into it (by guilt, coercion, a feeling of responsibility maybe)?
b) Did you still enjoy the sexy times?
c) Are you lying to yourself? Could you have gotten there if he slowed down a bit and focused on you?

If you answered yes to the first question, that's not exactly behaviour you want to encourage. No one but you should decide when you have sex. If you want it, chances are you'll be more likely to have the big O.
If you answered yes to the second question, then who cares? You can still enjoy a bang without the big finale and letting your partner know that is fine. Maybe he'll be a gentleman (lol) and offer to get you there without his disco stick.
If you answered yes to the third question, then you're denying yourself an orgasm and that is a sin. Hold out! Let him know what you need! Make him work a little! Your orgasm is just as important as his. I can pretty much guarantee he'll get there no matter what, so if you need a few specifics, don't be afraid to ask.

3. Because I faked it once and now he expects me to cum every time.

Ah yes. So you did it once, maybe for reasons #1 or #2, and now he thinks he's a sex god. He's convinced that you can orgasm 5 minutes into sex because he did it once, and then it becomes an expectation. You'd be breaking the habit and shattering his illusions if you stopped one day.
BREAK THIS HABIT. Break it now. You're doing yourself and your fella (or lady) a disservice. Honesty is always the best policy, and this is never truer than when it comes to sex. I don't care how you do it. Ease into it. Tell him. Just stop. Whatever floats your boat. You owe it to yourself! How would you feel if you found out your partner was faking?

4. I want him to think I'm sexual.

Hopefully you having sex is enough proof that you're sexual. Because of, you know, the sex. Sexuality isn't defined by you faking an orgasm! Find some new parameters ladybird. Parameters I could suggest might include: lubrication, extended foreplay, sexcellent communication (see what I did there?), initiating, masturbating, and generally loving your half of the sexual equation. The definition of sexuality doesn't fit in a box (heh). But faking an orgasm isn't about your sexuality, it's about his. Focus on YOU. Get yours!

5. Because society has unconsciously conditioned me to believe that my vagina exists to provide a service for men and not an orgasm for myself.

It's not so! Because science! And by science I do mean the clitoris, which exists for no other reason except to give you the warmest of warm tinglies. No other organ on women OR men can claim that they exist for this sole purpose. Far out dude.

If that organ isn't the biggest "permission to orgasm" button nature has ever seen, than I don't know what is. So...push it.

Push it real good.

The Woman Haters Club

I am over women hating women. It sickens me and I'm tired of questioning what causes that kind of unnecessary, cruel and inexcusable behaviour. The ironic part is that this blog post can probably be interpreted as doing just that, but I'm not going to read too much into that yet because I'm not in the mood to be introspective...

I was on a feminist subreddit a couple weeks ago and there was a post from a woman who said she was a bit overweight, shopping in a makeup store and she could overhear two skinny beautiful women talking shit about her. The poster was looking for some support from her fellow redditors. Now I feel for this girl, I really do. That is honestly a shit situation and I hope no one can imagine a time when that kind of behaviour is appropriate. But here's the kicker. All these women replied to this poster and instead of talking about how beauty is an internal glow or whatever Marilyn Munroe quote typically gets puked out during moments like these, they started freaking out at these other two women. They said these other women are probably married to men who cheat on them. They're probably anorexic. They probably have no souls and will be unhappy forever. They probably sleep with anyone who looks at them. They probably secretly hate each other. They probably hate themselves too.

And on it went.

Are you kidding me?! Do you not see the complete hypocrisy of your statements? You are criticizing these women by doing EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING. Why don't you take a frigging beat and think about how society has driven women to feel unnecessarily competitive with one another to the point where they'll call out total strangers. Why don't you consider what is happening within yourself, making you feed that monster?


Don't get into the habit of sitting on a pedestal perceiving yourself as the only woman on earth who is allowed to criticize others. "Slut" is not a word to dole out when a woman you know slept with someone. "Bitch" is not an appropriate label for a woman who acts in a way you do not approve of. "Psycho" is not a title you should attach to a woman expressing her emotions. Honestly, and this is not a rhetorical question, what gives you the right? I hate to go bible on your asses, but let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Unless you are a virgin robot, something you have done in your life could make you seem like a slutty psycho bitch yourself so you might want to check yourself before you go and hypocritically wreck yourself.


I saw this photo on Facebook the other day. I also saw it shared and liked by women who coincide posts like these with comments and posts bringing down other women, and i think it's because they feel entitled. They've created a reality where they are untouchable and their moral compass is the only one that points north. This in turn creates a situation where everyone else can be judged because they don't measure up. I just want to shed some light on the fact that they are contradicting themselves every time they post something about "the haters" while simultaneously being hateful.




It's been said again and again, but you don't raise your own status by bringing other women down. There's nothing to be gained from it. If you feel some sort of satisfaction from tearing into someone else take a good hard look at yourself. What is wrong with you? Again, not rhetorical. What is actually wrong? Are you unhappy? Are you jealous? Are you bored? Because that kind of behaviour isn't stemming from the actions of another person. It's coming from you.

Dropping some knowledge

 

And now, I will acknowledge the irony here. It seems like I'm woman-hating. But I'm trying to come from a good place. I'm trying to spark an internal dialogue so that the next time you're about to utter the word "bitch" you take a moment and really consider if that's okay. Don't get me wrong, it's advice I have to give myself often as well. But I do. And all I'm asking is that you do as well.

 

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals