Sexist Feminist?

On my previous post, I let the world (lol jk the people who read this blog) know about the Empowerment All-Nighter, the event I created for women ages 17-25 in Saint John. It's going to be a blasty blast with games, zumba, self-defense, hair & makeup, a photo booth, yoga, games, food etc. I am pretty pumped about it, even though getting women ages 17-25 involved in something is extremely difficult sometimes...

So anyways, I posted this event, was interviewed on the radio, spread the info on Facebook, via Twitter and email, talked in schools, and offered my kidney to strangers to get people involved. Well. The other day someone called me sexist for making the event for women only.

I would like to clarify something.

The most at-risk group to be sexually assaulted is women ages 18-24, who make up the vast majority of both reported and unreported cases. This statistic determined who would be invited to our event. For good measure, we expanded the age range by a year both ways, for those entering the danger zone, and those exiting. If it were men ages 35-45, we would have catered our event to that age group, so it probably would have involved hockey or golf or some other male stereotypes (kidding). But since that group are far more likely to be the aggressors of sexual assault, we figured that they could survive not coming to an event that was designed to create a safe space for women to talk about rape culture and sexual assault.

I am not trying to put women above men. I am not trying to exclude people. That would make me a hypocrite. I am trying to create a space where women can talk about the weight that they carry on their shoulders just because they are women. The judgments, pressures, insecurities, impossible ideals and fears. I don't think that my intentions or actions are malicious towards men. No one has called me an ageist for restricting the event to 17-25 year olds. I guess I'm just shocked that someone would try and pick a fight rather than ask a question. 

I think what I'm getting at is that when you're about to call someone sexist, racist, ageist, homophobic, etc. especially when it's the reverse of the typical sexism, racism, etc. that takes place, find out what their intentions are. I am not a sexist (or any of those other things...). I am just trying to wake Saint John up to the fact that we have the highest rate of sexual assault in Canada. The only reason we're not hosting an event for men alongside this one is time and budget constraints, because that's life. We had to prioritize, and we went with women. When we were in Saint John High School last week doing our education piece, it was open to both boys and girls, and both boys and girls attended. If my project somehow gets more funding or support, the women I work with are incredibly enthusiastic about doing something catered towards young men. 

So please, do not think I don't care about what rape culture does to men. Rape culture encourages women to end up as prey, and it encourages men to end up as predators - neither situation is healthy! I don't fight rape culture just for women! I can't say it enough. I'm fighting against ignorance, stereotypes, violence, hatred. That means I'm fighting for women AND men. Just because I'm running a women-only program does not mean that I hate men.

STOP CALLING ME SEXIST! 

Some Great (Feministish) Movies!

I watched a fantastic movie this weekend and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that a list of great movies may be in order for ma blog. They have a bit of a feminist vibe, but not really? I just like them because they break the mold a little bit (or a lot). Also these are not chick flicks. I've never met a man who doesn't love #4 on this list.

1. The To Do List - Frankly this was one of the most hilarious movies I've seen in a very long time. Huge laugh-out-loud moments, great comedic timing, and a brilliant storyline. This one is about a recent high school graduate who has never had a sexual experience and, being a very studious person, embarks on completing a list of sexual activities before the summer is out, ending in her losing her virginity. She's so factual about it that it's basically the total opposite of all the other teen virginity movies out there - unless the main character was a guy (read: American Pie). She's not out there to fall in love - she's out there to get shit done. No pies were harmed in the making of this particular movie.

2. No Strings Attached - This cinematic adventure came out at the same time as Friends With Benefits, and a lot of people preferred that one, but let me explain why I like the Ashton Kutcher/Natalie Portman duo over Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis. FWB follows an incredibly predictable plot, where the girl falls in love with the guy and the guy isn't ready to commit. Have we not seen this before? I get it. Girl falls in love with guy and guy takes some extra time to realize that he, too, is in love with the girl. He then makes a grand gesture which makes up for the previous tiff. Good stuff. No Strings Attached flips the scenario on its head.
Here we have a girl who's in it just for the orgasm and the guy who's trying to push for the relationship - a situation that a lot of ladybirds I know have been in. I love this one because it's funny and it's atypical.

3. The Hunger Games - I know this choice is obvious. I just don't care! There's this new Swedish movie feminist rating system and The Hunger Games passes with flying colours. Some of the requirements are as simple as two female characters having a conversation about something other than a fella. Not even Harry Potter (<3) passes this rating system. I love this movie for a billion reasons, but one of the aspects I admire a lot is that Katniss knows she's got to save her life and protect her family. She has priorities that extend beyond falling in love, getting a boyfriend, etc. She's independent, strong, rebellious and also awesome. May the odds be ever in her favour. (Also, the quote in this photo is brilliant.)


4. Mean Girls - Such a classic. My generation may never stop quoting this movie. But it also carries a great message about how girls tear down other girls. As a feminist, I don't see the "enemy" as men; I see it as ignorance, tolerance of inequality, condescension, hate, sexual assault. Tina Fey makes the great point that if girls keep calling each other sluts, we're just giving guys permission to do the same, and that is not cool. In short, this movie is just plain fetch.

5. The Duchess - I wasn't sure if I was going to add a fifth movie to the list, but this one left me in tears. It is incredibly sad, thought provoking and beautifully done. It's kind of the opposite of a feminist movie but it's based on a true story and I think that it shows how far we have come. It's easy to crap on a lot of the issues our society still struggles with but when you watch a movie like this and see what it used to be like, you can think "yeah, we've made huge progress". And this is about a woman of high society - imagine what the working class was like. It's definitely worth a watch, but if you're a crier (LIKE ME) then I suggest you keep some tissues close by. Or a whole box.



That's it for now! Just glad I could share some thoughts. Also:
My leadership group is hosting an Empowerment All-Nighter November 30th, 6pm-6am. Zumba, Hair and Makeup, Self Defense, Yoga, Food, Movies, Games, etc. If you are a woman ages 17-25 in the Saint John area, email me for details!  rgrantvolunteer@gmail.com. It's going to be amazing fun, don't pass up this opportunity :)