Catty Cat Cattiness

Thank the sweet <insert deity> for sun. We've had 8 whole days of crappy rainy weather, and when you have to walk your puppy uptown 3 times a day it can make one a bit cranky. Also, not to brag or anything but this morning Dani and I did our walk with her off-leash and she stayed right beside me, because she's perfect.

Last night at my Engaging Girls & Young Women in Leadership Roles workshop, we played a question game. It goes like this: everyone lines up against one wall, and someone asks a yes/no question. If your answer is yes, you take one step forward, wait a beat, and then step back.  Basically it's like a sober NeverHaveIEver but I'm not asking about who's boned in a public place (it would be kind of inappropriate). The questions start of easy, like "have you ever sung karaoke?" or "have you ever danced alone in your room like an idiot?".

Then I threw down the heavy artillery: 
1. Have you ever been called a bitch, slut, whore?
2. Have you ever called anyone a bitch, slut, whore?

These are the tough ones. It's easy to step forward for #1, and feel all indignant about having someone slander you. But when question 2 rolls around, all of the sudden the tables are reversed, because inevitably a lot of girls are stepping forward. Why are we calling each other these words? As far as I know, the girls I went to high school with were not prostitutes and were all pretty decent human beings so why was the word bitch regularly used in my vocabulary? Now, I'm a face-to-face kind of gal, so if I thought you were a bitch you definitely knew it, but that doesn't really excuse that kind of behavior now does it? 

That is the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen.

Let us harken to the eternal wisdom of Ms. Norbury of Mean Girls: "Well, I don't know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores." Girls are already dealing with guys crapping on them all the time, and then we turn around and do it to each other? Why are we so mean to each other? WHY ARE WE MEAN GIRLS? 

Throughout this project one of the first great moments I had was during a conversation with one of my guest speakers. She was talking about how when girls are arguing and being bitter and petty with one another, the men are sitting back and enjoying the show, grabbing those promotions and coming out ahead. She said that she sent a female colleague flowers after they'd received an award and the woman was totally taken aback because she hadn't expected congratulations from a woman on the same level as herself within the company. This speaker was basically saying "stop being catty, start being classy".  (I'd also like to point out that this speaker is now ridiculously successful.)

So very creepy

So I guess this is what I realized: Instead of climbing over each other, we should be helping one another reach the top. We don't want to be that massive pile of zombies in World War Z trying to make it to the top of the wall, because a) it's creepy and b) in the end only one person is at the highest point. Don't we want women in general to rise up? 

And I don't mean we want women all standing at the top together holding hands and singing "Kumbaya". If you are hardcore business-minded and driven and whatnot, good for you. I applaud you; you are being awesome. Wouldn't it be great if you helped another woman out, and then she turned around and helped you out in return? Men have created this mutually beneficial system where they get where they need to go because of connections, networking, the "old boys club" mentality of giving and then asking when they're deserving of that promotion or pay bump or free tickets or whatever. Women, we need to get our shit together and develop that support system. I do great work for my boss, she gives me a reference, I promote her business, she connects me with my dream employer...and it goes on and on. Obviously men need to be a part of our support system too, don't get me wrong. 

This whole idea needs to start early though; there's no golden age where valuing and respecting your fellow woman isn't important. There's no time in your life where it's not cool to be classy as eff. I'm offering my project to 15 brilliant young women, ages 17-25. I would absolutely give them a reference for their dream job, their dream volunteer position, their dream school. But I'm also banking on their success and hoping that one day they'll be my reference for my dreams. 

this guy = bullshit

Just imagine if the girl you called a slut all through high school ends up being your boss. Is there good blood there? Have you laid the groundwork for a promotion? Just imagine if that whoreish girl from residence ends up in the Masters program you want to apply for. Can you ask for advice? Can you set up a meeting with the professors through her connections? 

Our last speaker came in and opened with this statement "the concept of the self-made man is bullshit". She said everyone gets a helping hand. She talked about how one of her professors not only helped her navigate through university but also helped her secure her placement in her top choice for a Masters Program. Now, they help each other out, promote one another's business and they've got the ideal: a mutually beneficial partnership. They're not dragging each other down, there's no professional jealousy and they're both pretty awesome (I've been lucky enough to get to know both of them). No one gets to the top without help! You have to work hard and then 
ask for what you deserve to have. Women are a 
powerful, incredible resource; let's learn how to 
create a powerful, incredible support system. 

Why can't we all just get along?! 

Because of ALL the bitches.