Oh B(r)other

I wanted to put a photo of Winnie the Pooh here, but since I know absolutely nothing about copyright and whatnot, I thought I'd just put a link here of a gif instead:
http://birkinsandbaseball.tumblr.com/post/31448252541/this-is-like-my-favorite-thing-ever

Brothers. They are baffling beings. This whole blog came about because I was talking to my younger brother about sexual assault and rape and sexism and feminism and he looked at me and said "Dude, I don't want to talk about this while we're doing the dishes." At first I was really upset but after thinking about it I realized that his thing is sailing. MY thing is sexism and sexual assault. My older brother's thing is...insurance?  dogs? (time to do some elder brother research). While I'd love to chat about those subjects with them, I can see how bothered I would get if the talk was constant. This way, if my brothers (or anyone) get into a feministy mood and want to know what's going on in my head, they can just take a gander to this blog and find this post where I talk about them (hi boys!). 

Since I'm not sure they'd want to have their faces on this blog
I've added us in puppy form. 

My younger brother did end up talking with me about sexual assault when we weren't washing & drying. I asked him, if he didn't want to hear about sexual assault in that moment then when would he? And he replied that he would listen at a conference, or in school. I asked him if he would ever attend a conference for men about sexual assault, and he said "no". Then I asked him what he was taught in school about rape and he said  "don't do it, obviously". 

Let me ask you a question: Did it work when our parents told us not to do drugs, not to have sex, not to smoke, not to break curfew and not to steal penny candy (I can't be the only one who snagged a fuzzy peach from Bulk Barn)? Most of the people I know have done most of those things (though maybe I'm just hanging out with the wrong crowd). There needs to be open dialogue so that young men and women can ask questions. There's no shame in asking "if a girl said yes but then passed out, is that rape?". There IS shame in raping an unconscious woman. But if that question is never answered, I honestly think some men may not know that that situation is rape. If someone is too drunk they can't legally consent. If they change their mind halfway through sex and decide they don't want to, but the guy continues, that is rape. If they consent to act A that does not mean they have consented to act B. "Yes" only means yes ONCE; you have not received consent for all future sexual encounters. If men can't ask the questions because of the word "rape" being so taboo then how will they effectively learn to respect women?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all men disrespect women. Using that kind of language and stereotyping is sexism too, and I'm not a fan of sexism against women OR men. All I'm suggesting is an open dialogue in schools, work places, among friends and in families. The definition of rape is not just dragging a stranger into a dark alley or putting a weapon to their necks. There are less movie-like scenarios that still qualify as sexual assault. 


One last note about sexual assault; it's about power and control. Try to keep that in mind when considering any situation you may find yourself in, or hear about. If you aren't sure if what has happened is sexual assault or not, do some research. Ask someone at the Sexual Assault Response Team. I'm talking to women and men here: the more questions we all ask, the better informed we will all be.