Sexual vs. Sexualized

I was reading an article this morning about a subject I want to elaborate on. The article was talking about CW's new TV show called Reign, which aired October 16th. Leading up to the premiere, there was some debate about a scene that may need to be cut because of how racy it was. I'll describe the scene to you, and you can guess which part they considered axing.

A group of young ladies (literally ladies of ye English tymes) spy on a bedding ceremony, where a whole audience watched the newlyweds going at it so that there is proof of consummation (penis in vagina). One of the ladies gets turned on and sneaks off to touch herself, as women are wont to do once aroused. The king, upon finding her there, then uses the most cheesy of lines, something like "need a hand?" and then they proceed to go at it too.

SCENE.

So what do you think they had to take out? The part where a whole audience watches a couple have sex? The part where a grown man seduces a young teenage girl? Or the part where it is implied that a chick masturbates?

You guessed it folks, they pulled the clitoral stimulation. Why is it more scandalous for a woman to touch herself than for a hundred people to watch a man deflower his bride?

So that got me thinking about a woman being sexual, instead of simply being sexualized. It seems to me like women can't turn themselves on, can't get rowdy of their own accord, without it being viewed as vulgar. A man needs to be the one doing the stimulation in order for any sexual desire to be considered appropriate. Even in this scene, a man interrupts and helps her...finish.

Women are often shown using sex as a weapon or a tool for manipulation. Comments like "If you don't do this....then no sex for you!" pop up in practically every TV show on earth. That kind of thinking detracts from the concept that women want sex for their own gratification. It implies that a woman could keep her legs closed forever if she doesn't get what she wants. It's saying that sex is for the man and the resultant good behaviour or completed house chores are for the woman.

The reality is, girls like sex. They like touching themselves while thinking about sex. They like watching porn. They enjoy a good orgasm. They get turned on when they watch a hot sex scene. None of this makes us dirty, or whoreish, or any of the other words that are slung our way when we show some sexual assertiveness. We are sexual beings! We are not sexual objects! One of those is inanimate, and while I'm not here to judge your sexual proclivities, if you want an object and not a woman, please purchase a blow-up doll. I've heard that they can be incredibly realistic.

I couldn't use sex as a tool for manipulation, because I enjoy sex. Which means I want sex. Which means I wouldn't stop having it if the squeaky door wasn't fixed or if dinner with my parents didn't go well or whatever other reason Monica held out on Chandler and Penny held out on Leonard and Lily held out on Marshall. Bottom line is, women are allowed to be sexual in their own right. Female masturbation is not dirty. You're not a slut for touching yourself. You have the power to make yourself orgasm and you don't need someone to "lend a hand" or give you permission. You can watch porn or read erotica or close your eyes and think of whoever you want. We may spend a lot of our lives being sexualized; therefore I would ask that you embrace the opportunity to be sexual.