1. When I decided to keep my own last name, I caused a hell of a lot of confusion. I was having a conversation with a woman and she said something like "Oh it's been a while, Rachael...who now?", I said "oh I'm still Rachael Grant", to which she gasped and immediately replied "Oh my God you didn't get married?!" Yes, this allowed me to show off my engagement ring and wedding band, but still. This is 2016! Unless I change my name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, there is no need to act shocked.
2. My uterus became a topic of conversation as soon as we got home from our honeymoon (Scotland, it was incredible). Did we conceive in Europe? Not answering that. Are we trying now? Not answering that either. Are we trying in a year? *silence*. How many kids do we want? *this is me not answering*. Here's a scary truth: you can actually have a child out of wedlock. You can also decide not to have a child after you're married. You can conceive on the first try or try for years. You can have miscarriages. The whole process of having or not having children can be emotional, painful, difficult and overall (and most importantly) personal. I understand that in the eyes of a laced-up society I have now been given permission to conceive, but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable having the subject constantly discussed. Do I seem shy? If I want to talk baby-making, I will.
3. My husband (woo) and I became really good at throwing dinner parties. Not sure if this is because we're married or because we bought a house or because I definitively gave up on trying to help with the cooking, but we've got a nice flow on. This point is a bit less informative and slightly more braggy. Sorry (not sorry). But I always felt like we weren't quite hitting the mark and now we are totally on point.
4. This has been a really hard lesson to learn, and I'm embarrassed about how long it took me to realize this, but I think it's important to pass this message on. Ladies for the love of God dry-clean your wedding dress ASAP. Don't wait, don't dawdle. The longer you wait, the more...pungent...the situation becomes.
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| Raya in the Dominican enjoying a coconut <3 |
5. The most extraordinary thing about being married is that there is very little difference between five months before and five months after. We were very happy before we got married despite the stress of planning said wedding. Now we're very happy today, and I think only some of it has to do with our new puppy (she is incredibly cute). We may only be married for 5 months but we've been together for over six years, and we've spent that time learning how to not murder each other, and that's been a real value-add.
I can live with the baby questions, the last-name shock and the smelly wedding dress. I can deal with cleaning up after a dinner party. What I wouldn't be able to handle, though, would be thinking that marriage would change us, solve our problems or somehow act as a miracle cure. Our issues are still ours, our love is still very present, and we continue to communicate as we always have - with passive-aggressive comments and petty low-blows. Kidding. It's actually probably with noodles and Simpsons quotes (far more effective). You don't need to understand us! We just have to understand each other :) 
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