I love boobs!

Breasts are so tantalizing. They can be voluptuous, perky, full, big, small, fun, delectable...damn. I'm a straight lady who is not ashamed to admit that breasts are sexy. I embrace my breasts as a part of my femininity. I love that part of my body. I think topless women are stunning and the Robin Thicke music video for Blurred Lines is kind of adorable. Plus, who doesn't love a midnight skinny dip?

 

What I find strange though is how my boobs aren’t really my boobs sometimes. I was at a party a few weeks ago and, as I am wont to do, had on a low-cut top. I went outside to talk to a guy friend and he was chatting with a fellow big-breasted woman. She cracked a joke (kind of awkwardly) that she was better because hers were bigger. The guy friend talking with us then said “well I’ll be the judge of that” and then reached out and grabbed one of mine and one of hers. It was so casual that I sort of froze. Yes. Me. Froze. The other girl laughed it off but I just stood there thinking “wtf wtf wtf”. I didn’t even slap him in the face or confront him, I just walked away. And it really got me thinking, what is going on in our culture that this guy thought it was acceptable to just grab my leftie like it was no big deal? I’m not a melon at the grocery store; you don’t get to give me an experimental squeeze. You don’t get to compare me by copping a few feels. You were not given permission to touch my body.  

Let me be clear: If you are that other girl and you aren’t bothered by being groped then that’s great. You go out and place all sorts of hands on your goods. The point is, it should be our choice. We should be the masters of our own destinies and all that beautiful stuff. Is it really too much to ask for my breasts to not be fondled when I don’t want them to?  And this doesn’t just apply to boobs. I’m talking ass, vag(ina), mouth, any part of your body that you don’t want people touching. When did it become okay for a guy to dry hump you because you agreed to dance with him at a club, or grab your ass as you’re waiting at the bar, or any of that crap? Let's stand up for ourselves and take ownership of our bodies.

I have a second breast issue. I want to talk about this because I believe in it, but also because I had the pure joy of having not 1 or 2 but 3 of my friends send me a link about the subject, knowing that I’m an advocate for equality and feminism. It makes me feel like my voice is being heard when people ask me questions and show me articles and I’m talking about breast feeding. In public. The main purpose of breasts is to feed infants! There’s a YouTube clip of a women in the UK reading a poem about this subject who says it much more eloquently than I ever could (here’s the link: Embarrassed - Hollie McNish) Basically she’s voicing what so many women feel. They feel the shame forced on them by a very judgmental culture, that’s spent so much time sexualizing breasts that it’s forgotten what breasts are intended for. She talks about sitting in a cramped toilet stall feeding her newborn infant surrounded by the stench of shit and piss trying not to offend people, but realizing that it’s more than a bit offensive what they’re doing to her and her daughter. She’s right. 

It’s as natural as death, child birth, hunger. Every mammal breastfeeds. I don’t think cats are scuttling away to privately feed their kittens. Why should beautiful beautiful mothers feel the need to do so? If people are worried that their kids are going to ask questions, perhaps they should figure out how to answer them instead of trying to prevent the question itself. If men are ogling, perhaps they need to figure out how to respect women and the control they have over their own incredible bodies. Infants don’t let their mothers know when they’re going to get hungry. There’s not a 6 hour waiting period between feedings. You feed your child when they’re hungry and you should be able to do that without fear or shame or guilt. 

 

Our relationship with our breasts is not overly complicated. We want them to be sexual when we choose, and nurturing when we choose. Either way, it's about owning your womanhood and you're just expressing that in different ways, and that's okay. The duality of being a mother and a lover is centuries old, let's ride with it. 

Final note: All you ladies out there, love the hell out of your breasts. They may not look like the boobs you see in porn or on HBO’s anything, but they’re probably gorgeous as hell. Don’t worry about your nipples, don’t stress about your cup size, and don’t obsess about your perkiness. You’ve got a perfect set and they’re an absolute delight.